Posts Tagged ‘west ham united’


An explanation:

I am on West Ham’s mailing list, having attended a pre-season friendly between West Ham vs Roma in 2007 and never unsubscribed.

These days, the top banner of the Hammers’ emails features Sam Allardyce in a striking pose:

"Everything, as long as it didn't include passing"

Just look at him. Ripe for the plucking. Why, he could be anything:

  • a space rocket!
  • a lampshade!
  • The Monument to the Third International!

This cut-out is what we are working with:

Sam Allardyce

Get involved

1) Download the source file,
2) Get photoshoppin’,
3) Email or tweet your entries at us

Entries after the jump…



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Following a successful recent loan spell, Gianfranco Zola is looking to make Snow a permanent signing. “Snow’s contribution to the Wolves game was the best striking performance of our season” said the increasingly haunted spectre of a once hirsute Shire horse.

Full story: Daily Mail

Harry Redknapp has signed some gritted dripping Slush, and despite its lack of consistency and rapidly depreciating ability, awarded it a contract of  £80,000 a week.

Full story: The Guardian


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Speaking from his palatial estate in the Bavarian mountains, the alternate universe Luca Toni has spoken to distance himself from the ridiculous rumours suggesting that he, one of the deadliest strikers on the planet, should be linked with a club like West Ham United.

Because even in this alternate universe, West Ham United remain relegation candidates.


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Kieron Dyer, pictured here in happier times convalescing at Faces

Kieron Dyer, pictured here in happier times convalescing at Faces

Fisted Away EXCLUSIVE: Kieron Dyer has spoken candidly about his recent nightmare of health, and his hopes to make a competitive return to the treatment table as soon as possible, reports Nigel Spickanspan

“These past three weeks have been the longest of my life”, a tearful Dyer confessed. “You get depressed very easily, and getting up each morning has been a real struggle. Sometimes it has still been dark”. The daily rigours of training have come as a shock to Kieron Dyer. “I’m out all day, running about in a bib like a fool- a bloody fool. Then I have to stay back for ‘conditioning’ work. Sometimes I don’t get home until after 3pm. I couldn’t even tell you what is happening in Neighbours any more. Sure I could catch the 5.30pm showing, but that clashes with Cash In The Celebrity Attic.

“Sure, people  might say “So what Kieron? You earn more in a week than most people do in a year“, and those peasants would be right. But I’m not that kind of player – it’s always been about more than just wonderful, delicious cash to me. Its about being able to watch Loose Women as well. Yes, the show too.”


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