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Posts Tagged ‘Mario Balotelli’

Gareth-Barry

Following Mario Ballotelli’s departure to AC Milan, his erstwhile Manchester City teammate Gareth Barry has told fans not to pine after the eccentric Italian as he will soon be launching “some of the zaniest sideways passes you’ll ever see”.

Barry added that supporters “won’t know what’s hit ’em”, though later retracted the statement after becoming worried that people might think he was violent, or was suggesting that they were too stupid to know that they had been hit.

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Mario Balotelli's house

A lone firefighter emerges from the smoke of a bathroom in Mottram St Andrew, Chesire.

Crushing spent fireworks underfoot, he holds in his right hand a crumpled and singed scrap of paper.

Fisted Away has been given exclusive access to this fragile yet terrifying parchment.

We present: Mario Balotelli’s Manchester City Christmas Party-planning brainstorm.

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