James Beattie has today issued a ‘come and get me’ plea to The Royal Bank of Scotland after admitting he feels his time at Stoke City is drawing to an end. When asked where he sees himself come the end of the January transfer window, the burly front-man replied “being showered with money whilst I watch poor people cry at the tips of my fine Italian shoes. Ideally a corner office, but I’m not picky”.
Beattie’s statement comes after a week of unrest at the club. Started by an alleged dressing-room dispute about a promised day off after the Christmas party during which, it is rumoured, the manager and player embarked on a naked brawl in the course of which Pulis’ head butted Beattie. In the confusion, it is also possible that his butt headed Beattie, but all eyewitnesses have since gouged out their eyes.
Fisted Away 