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Posts Tagged ‘ITV’

'Eee 'Balls to you', Gareh!

::: FistedAway welcomes a guest post from Michael,
who has an ace surname and runs the splendid Regista :::
Euro-time is almost upon us. And yet, most of our attention is wrongly focused on the national teams competing at the finals, when we should be weighing up the merits of the real heroes – the broadcasters. Let’s see how the two heavyweights line up.
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Sacked ITV pundit Robbie Earle continued to fight the allegations of his World Cup ticket misappropriation, today insisting that the 36 mini-skirted Dutch fans were just his sisters.

“I am shocked and appalled by these claims against me and my beloved sisters”, confessed Earle, “as is our mother Wilhelmina”. The ex-Wimbledon striker revealed that contrary to the popular belief that he was brough up in Weston Coyney, he had in fact secretly been raised in a little flat in tough Amsterdam neighborhood, the Bijlmermeer. “It wasn’t easy for moeder, putting food on the table for the 37 of us kids. Not just the expense, but it was a logistical nightmare finding a table of that size. And don’t get me started on the queue for the bathroom in the morning! We had a ticketing machine”.

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Teddy-Sheringham

Cleaners at the Orange Arena have discovered that visiting ITV pundit Edward ‘Teddy’ Sheringham has actually been continuing a solitary discussion of the most obvious talking points of the Netherlands vs England friendly for almost a full week after the match ended, without anyone noticing.

“I could hear a whinnying unmodulated drone coming from the room, but I assumed that Edwin (a new member of the stadium cleaning team) had just left the humidifier on again” revealed head cleaner Dirk van Cleef. “He is such a slungel!”

“Yes, Edwin too” added van Cleef.

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