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Posts Tagged ‘gary lineker’

A BBC insider has revealed the lengths the corporation has gone to entrap the Match of the Day team- into uttering something so heinous that they have an excuse to sack them immediately.

The Match of the Day team are known to have long-term contracts with a variety of cast-iron clauses preventing them from being moved on for otherwise career-ending misdemeanours, including traffic offences, affairs, comparing a tackle to rape or not knowing anything about Hatem Ben Arfa.

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'Eee 'Balls to you', Gareh!

::: FistedAway welcomes a guest post from Michael,
who has an ace surname and runs the splendid Regista :::
Euro-time is almost upon us. And yet, most of our attention is wrongly focused on the national teams competing at the finals, when we should be weighing up the merits of the real heroes – the broadcasters. Let’s see how the two heavyweights line up.
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england_cap

Following his perfectly acceptable performance against [insert team], there has been talk of [insert player name] playing his way into the England squad for next year’s World Cup in South Africa.

Speaking after the match, with the potent combination of sweat and adrenaline still coursing through his cerebral cortex [insert player name] said “If I can keep up this run, then who knows? It’s not up to me to decide. That would involve a radical restructuring of the England setup. I just hope that Mr Capello was watching”.  Although the England manager was at the game, it is believed that he left too early to see [insert player name]’s late contribution to the game, which included a speculative shot from 4 yards out which narrowly grazed a steward.

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"Millwall were just letting them know they were there, Alan"

"Millwall were just letting them know they were there, Gary"

Saturday’s Hull vs Milwall cup-tie left over 50 seats in the KC Stadium in ruins. Many hundreds more were scuffed, leading to local hardware stores being overwhelmed. Yet the Match of the Day team have controversially refused to transmit the Disasters Emergency Committee Hull Crisis Appeal, reports Nigel Spickanspan

Speaking at a press conference, Gary Lineker said “We are passionate about defending Match of the Day’s impartiality. We worry that such an emotive and political story would compromise our commitment to kneejerk punditry, mawkish backslapping and the commodifying of football as light entertainment. We worry about being seen to endorse something which could give people the impression that we were backing one side. When in reality, even if we did show it we would much rather stick something like this right at the end of the show when most people have turned off in frustration at our tiresome ‘banter’ “.

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