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Posts Tagged ‘Fabio Capello’


4+8 = Euro 2012

For almost two years, English fans trembled in fear and bowed their heads in shame. For over a decade, the glorious tandem of Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard had bravely led the Three Lions to countless second rounds. Sadly, it appeared that Don Fabio Capello had forever axed the dynamic duo following World Cup 2010. Brits feared that they may never see the terrific tandem together in action again. Luckily, in one simple announcement, Roy Hodgson has revived the dreams of a nation.
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Lampard and Gerrard

::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::

For the past decade, two midfielders have owned the centre of the park for the Three Lions: Steven Gerrard of Liverpool and Frank Lampard of Chelsea. For years, fans have watched these two players make the same run, step on one another’s toes, lazily expect the other to tackle, fail to beat up men and pass to the other team. But as the sun sets on their respective careers, fans know ask: can the two of them successfully not botch the job in midfield at the same time?

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Following his return to England duty after three years of international retirement, Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher  has sensationally revealed that he is yearning to go to South Africa for the chance to be burgled, repeatedly, throughout the tournament.

Though some had predicted a harsh response from the England faithful, many of whom live in relatively safe areas, the Liverpool defender is unmoved by the prospect of criticism. “This is about me. It isn’t about anyone else. Before criticising me, people need to get their own house in order, which admittedly can be difficult when there are fragments of glass ground into the carpet, paint flung on the rugs, and – oh God, what is that smeared on the wall? Is it…?It is. Heurrgh”.

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::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::

The Capello reign of England has been characterised by one theme: discipline. From intense training sessions to WAG and cell phone bans, the Italian has instilled a meritocratic selection regime fueled by the foot soldier’s mentality. Which makes the recent untrue rumour of his prank on Michael Owen all the more shocking.

Owen has been Capello’s bogeyman, his mercurial form for Manchester United eliciting calls for selection and rejection, sometimes in the same day. Yet a telephone call by the Italian a few months ago set in chain a prank crueller than the injury inducing fate of the striker’s blotted career.

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With Jermain Defoe’s astonishing five goal haul almost certainly confirming his place in the England squad for South Africa*, spare a thought for Michael Owen. The ex-England striker is believed to have spent a blurred Sunday night re-watching his 1998 goal against Argentina, six times. Which is a whole one more than five.

The video showcase began sometime around 4.46pm on Sunday as Defoe drilled in his fifth goal. Owen’s neighbours reported hearing an exasperated Martin Tyler, seemingly hired for the day, forced to provide live commentary each time that the striker rewound the clip. Though some ear witnesses swore that they heard “noticeable wails” from Owen whenever Tyler said the words “this 18-year-old has electrified the world”.

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Darren-Bent-001

Sunderland striker Darren Bent has spoken of his delight at representing England rubbishly against Brazil at an FA press conference this morning. FistedAway listened in:

I’ve dreamed of playing rubbish against Brazil since I was a small boy. Imagine then my delight when Fabio gave me the call to say “Darren, get yourself over to Qatar, I need you to play rubbish in a friendly“. It was like all my Christmasses had come at once, but this time my parents had actually bothered to get me a present.

Basically, I’m just pleased to be getting another shout. I thought that I wouldn’t get another chance to play rubbish for England, that 2006 would forever be the pinnacle of my rubbish international career. I only hope that Mr Capello gives me the chance to play rubbish at a World Cup. That is my rubbish dream”.

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england_cap

Following his perfectly acceptable performance against [insert team], there has been talk of [insert player name] playing his way into the England squad for next year’s World Cup in South Africa.

Speaking after the match, with the potent combination of sweat and adrenaline still coursing through his cerebral cortex [insert player name] said “If I can keep up this run, then who knows? It’s not up to me to decide. That would involve a radical restructuring of the England setup. I just hope that Mr Capello was watching”.  Although the England manager was at the game, it is believed that he left too early to see [insert player name]’s late contribution to the game, which included a speculative shot from 4 yards out which narrowly grazed a steward.

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