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Posts Tagged ‘England’


4+8 = Euro 2012

For almost two years, English fans trembled in fear and bowed their heads in shame. For over a decade, the glorious tandem of Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard had bravely led the Three Lions to countless second rounds. Sadly, it appeared that Don Fabio Capello had forever axed the dynamic duo following World Cup 2010. Brits feared that they may never see the terrific tandem together in action again. Luckily, in one simple announcement, Roy Hodgson has revived the dreams of a nation.
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::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::

Save your St. Crispin’s Day speech for another tournament. Rather than roll into the semifinals of the U21 Championships, Stuart Pearce’s side won the hearts, admiration, and plaudits of its home nation for a scintillating run all the way to the end of the group stage. While some naysayers may turn their nose at the Three Lions, the majority of fans have showered them with praise and adoration. Nobody can deny their bravery in playing three full games in the space of a few weeks.

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Lampard and Gerrard

::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::

For the past decade, two midfielders have owned the centre of the park for the Three Lions: Steven Gerrard of Liverpool and Frank Lampard of Chelsea. For years, fans have watched these two players make the same run, step on one another’s toes, lazily expect the other to tackle, fail to beat up men and pass to the other team. But as the sun sets on their respective careers, fans know ask: can the two of them successfully not botch the job in midfield at the same time?

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Following fresh accusations of vote-buying, the Russia 2018 World Cup bid team has sought to reassure FIFA with a clear, open and transparent bribe.

Speaking at a press conference in the bid headquarters of an abandoned steel mill, bid chief Alexei Sorokin expressed his disappointment at the fact these accusations were mentioned without using any of the code words. “Hosting the World Cup in Russia would be a monumental occasion and we would not dream of doing anything to damage that”, urged the bid chief. “Of course, we also wouldn’t dream of doing anything to your kneecaps, or that soft, soft face”.

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Just days after unveiling new signing Joe Cole, Liverpool have been forced to address rumours that the ex-Chelsea star had been signed purely on account of his fabled ‘unlocking’ abilities.

Cole is said to be looking to make an immediate impact by breaking into the team. Specifically, unlocking his team-mates’ reinforced mansion gates while they are out on European away trips, when he is likely to be sidelined with “a ‘niggling injury’, nahworramean?”. He has already demonstrated his eye for an opportunity by stealing Andriy Voronin’s iconic number 10 shirt from fellow new signing Milan Jovanovic, who was sure he left it just there.

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Sacked ITV pundit Robbie Earle continued to fight the allegations of his World Cup ticket misappropriation, today insisting that the 36 mini-skirted Dutch fans were just his sisters.

“I am shocked and appalled by these claims against me and my beloved sisters”, confessed Earle, “as is our mother Wilhelmina”. The ex-Wimbledon striker revealed that contrary to the popular belief that he was brough up in Weston Coyney, he had in fact secretly been raised in a little flat in tough Amsterdam neighborhood, the Bijlmermeer. “It wasn’t easy for moeder, putting food on the table for the 37 of us kids. Not just the expense, but it was a logistical nightmare finding a table of that size. And don’t get me started on the queue for the bathroom in the morning! We had a ticketing machine”.

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::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::

The Capello reign of England has been characterised by one theme: discipline. From intense training sessions to WAG and cell phone bans, the Italian has instilled a meritocratic selection regime fueled by the foot soldier’s mentality. Which makes the recent untrue rumour of his prank on Michael Owen all the more shocking.

Owen has been Capello’s bogeyman, his mercurial form for Manchester United eliciting calls for selection and rejection, sometimes in the same day. Yet a telephone call by the Italian a few months ago set in chain a prank crueller than the injury inducing fate of the striker’s blotted career.

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