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Posts Tagged ‘Celtic’


Neil Lennon, whispering sweet nothings

Celtic manager Neil Lennon has taken the bold move of publicly revealing his tactical plans for the remainder of the 2011-12 season:   playing himself, up front, on his own.

With Celtic in contention for both domestic cups, while also enjoying a 21 point lead in the Scottish Premier League, Lennon denies that the timing of his new tactics have anything to do with the current difficulties at Rangers – now reportedly in danger of not completing the season.

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Fisted Away are proud to bring you the first interview with returning Rangers star, Gabonese striker Daniel Cousin. Clearly deeply affected by rejoining the Scottish club, an emotional and fired-up Cousin sat down with reporter Nigel Spickanspan to mainly swear and sigh.

FistedAway: So Daniel, you must be pleased to be back at Ibrox? 

Cousin: What the FUCK? My agent is so fired.

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Paddy McCourt

Celtic stars Paddy McCourt and Niall McGinn have sought to thank the generous and anonymous fan who has sent them some “super-cool” bullets in the post. Though the sender of the bullets is yet to come forward, the players have declared him “totally awesome”.

Speaking at a press conference, McCourt spoke of his gratitude to the unknown ballistics benefactor and wishes he could meet whoever it was, “as they must be so freaking badass”. The winger speculated that the sender “most likely also has a motorbike, and smokes, without even coughing afterwards”.

“Bullets!” added McGinn.

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nakamura

Think of your children,

Shunsuke Nakamura:

I’m fae Glasgae, da!

– – – – –  – – – – – – –  – – – – –

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AidenMcGeady

According to the BBC Website:

aidenbbcfact1

FistedAway can exclusively reveal the contents of this dossier after Munich’s chief scout left it in Monorail Music in Glasgow, on top of their excellent selections of Can and Neu records.

  • McGeady progressed from Celtic Schoolboys to join on a full-time contract at 16. On his official website he says “Full-time training is a great help“. Other things that Aiden thinks are a great help are: “breathing oxygen“, “eating food” and “taking your trousers down before going to the toilet. Always before“.

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FistedAway EXCLUSIVE:

Roy Keane has broken his silence to Sunderland fans over his controversial resignation, explaining that the real reason for leaving Sunderland was to watch his beard grow up:

Dear Mackems,

I am sad to say that I feel that I have taken this football club as far as I can. There have been good times, great times even: winning promotion, buying Greg Halford, not getting relegated, sending Greg Halford out on loan. And I feel I can safely say that you are the best fans in the world. Apart from Celtic. You’re not as good as Nottingham Forest, but you’re certainly up their with Cobh Ramblers.

I have not taken this decision lightly, but it is best for Sunderland, and best for me. To paraphrase Bill Shankly, “some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you, it is much, much more important than that. It’s about having a beard

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