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Football Likealooks cover

It’s not really an open letter this, but people seem to like them as a format – so just pretend, ok?

So, the other week we got tipped off that the concept for our other Twitter account @FTBL_Likealooks had been copied by @Lookalikesfball.

I’d have presumed that it was an accident and given them the benefit of the doubt, but the subsequent tweet stealing, mass account following, Facebook-squatting – and a truly bizarre defence when confronted – have shown that this is fully intentional.

The history

We started Football Likealooks in March 2014. It was born out of game that me and Fisted Away co-founder Rob liked to play while watching football- blurting out what we think people look like if they weren’t footballers, just people. During one particularly rewarding Match of the Day, we came up with a name, found all the ones we’d already tweeted through @FistedAway and began tweeting them out under the new account.

We’ve been plugging away since then, getting though a World Cup and a whole football season. The best part has been people sending stuff to us, and retweeting them. There’s been over a thousand now. It’s created a whole new football parallel universe for me. I can’t look at Ola Toivoinen without imagining his Ibiza hit. I can’t read about Jürgen Klopp without picturing him trying to sleep with his film studies students. I worry about how Thibaut Courtois will do at parents’ evening.

The Thievery

Last Thursday, some of our followers tweeted to ask us if we’d seen that @lookalikesfball had copied our idea. By this point, they’d done roughly 20 tweets and followed nearly 2,000 accounts. They’d also made a Facebook page with the URL /footballlikealooks (since changed). Our term.


If this wasn’t suspicious enough behaviour, it turned out that they’d done one of the worst things you can do on the internet – they had copied stacks of other people’s tweets.

Tim Sherwood

Jamie Vardy

Gareth Bale

(bonus points here for making one picture using a phone screengrab of the two pictures from @BeardedGenius’ tweet!)

Sean Dyche

Steve Claridge

(NB – Hey, is @StevenCarter89 the kingpin here? That’s two whole tweets!)

Jordan Henderson

Diego Costa

Ross Barkley

VICTIMS OF CRIME: if one of your tweets is in the list above, here’s how to report it as stolen.

The barney

Feeling pretty irked by all this, I decided to go on the offensive:

In case you can’t tell, I’m being sarcastic.

Not a peep. So I got more offensive

Three days later – an ice age by Twitter standards – I finally got a response. And what a response it was!

Perhaps it was quoting Khruschev that did it. It’s bizarre being an adult and getting called a cry baby by someone who is also, presumably, an adult. Bizarre.

Once I’d wiped away my tiny tears, I responded in the only way I know how: talking about my ass.  Who wouldn’t?

Still, it has been heartening to see some of the regular tweeters also denouncing them: “get your own ideasshite copyshamelesstweet stealer


I don’t know what I’ve learned.

I’d like to think that whoever is behind @lookalikesfball would feel suitably shamed by everything to just give it up. To whoever is running the account – dude, you’re always welcome to tweet us ideas from your own account (…and your own brain). I genuinely really liked that Martial / Mark Ronson one!

I find it head-spinning that @lookalikesfball are classing themselves as “competition”. But competition for..what, though? We don’t make any money out of this. Does a retweet make you…feel things? Does a retweet for something you stole make you feel anything?

I’m eagerly awaiting the cool, “seen-it-all-before-mate” people coming up to tell me – “hey, it’s the internet BUDDY – stuff gets stolen all the time”.

Yes! That’s true. It does! But, as it’s the internet EVERYONE can find exactly WHO you stole it from, and WHEN.

You can now report tweets to Twitter. The Fat Jew lost his tv show. There’s a joke that Joe Pasquale cannot steal. And we all know that Carlos Mencia’s dick don’t work.

The future?

We’re going to keep doing likealooks, because 1) we like it, 2) other people seem to like it, and 3) it makes watching even bad games of football more fun.

And I’m going to keep calling out plagiarism, because people should be recognised for their ideas and jokes. As we don’t make anything from this, there’s nothing to lose.

Also, I’m probably going to keep dicking around with @lookalikesfball. I’ve got Khruschev quotes and jokes about my ass for DAYS.

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An explanation:

I am on West Ham’s mailing list, having attended a pre-season friendly between West Ham vs Roma in 2007 and never unsubscribed.

These days, the top banner of the Hammers’ emails features Sam Allardyce in a striking pose:

"Everything, as long as it didn't include passing"

Just look at him. Ripe for the plucking. Why, he could be anything:

  • a space rocket!
  • a lampshade!
  • The Monument to the Third International!

This cut-out is what we are working with:

Sam Allardyce

Get involved

1) Download the source file,
2) Get photoshoppin’,
3) Email or tweet your entries at us

Entries after the jump…


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Read Paintball in full – in full, you hear!

It is called Paintball – great brand synchronicity, guys! I bet there was a shower of high-fives, backslapping and moonwalking in the office that day; some lucky shark got to go home early.


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After decades of careful refinement, precision training and deep aesthetic study – then canning all that nonsense – Sunday’s World Cup was the scene for the unveiling of Dutch football’s latest revolution, the new style of  ‘Total Bastard Football’.

The totaalbastaardvoetbal tactical theory relies on a perpetual and fluid interchange of positions, demanding that all outfield players, be they a tightly-permed midfielder or even a bald midfielder, are able to boot any team who dares to play football against them firmly into touch. The system places great physical demands on players like Mark van Bommel and Nigel de Jong, as they must boot them up and down the entirety of the pitch, covering every blade of (thankfully absorbent) grass on the pitch.


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Chelsea 10/11 Adidas Home Kit

The launch will be supported by an advertising campaign ‘Made from 100% Chelsea’ developed by pop artist and Chelsea fan Sir Peter Blake.

Blake, who most famously designed the artwork for the Beatles album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and Oasis’ greatest hits album Stop the Clocks, has created a variety of montages depicting Chelsea’s history and heritage.

With our usual journalistic integrity and commitment to the truth when it comes to Chelsea, Fisted Away would like to put forward a more…realistic view.

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Some background: I have the dubious pleasure of living quite near to Stamford Bridge. This has its occasional moments of joy, like the time that I came out of an opticians appointment on North End Rd at the final whistle of this game to skip malevolently back home through a sea of distraught fans. But aside from the occasional delicious wafer-thin slice of schadenfreude, the whole boorish buffet proves rather indigestible. Could you stomach a neighbour who plays ‘Blue Day’ by Suggs and Co. feat The Chelsea Team repeatedly on matchdays? No I don’t think that you could. Unless you are Suggs’ mum, but even she prefers his work with Madness.

I came home on Friday night to find the above flyer on my doorstep. It is the first example that I have seen where a club is actively targeting the ‘floating voter’.

The kind of fan for whom dentist appointments and crucial fixtures are so indistinguishable that these things can comfortably share the same Post-it note.

The kind of fan who picks up their dry cleaning at 4pm, seemingly every day. (more…)

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Think of your children,

Shunsuke Nakamura:

I’m fae Glasgae, da!

– – – – –  – – – – – – –  – – – – –


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