Fisted Away are proud to bring you the first interview with returning Rangers star, Gabonese striker Daniel Cousin. Clearly deeply affected by rejoining the Scottish club, an emotional and fired-up Cousin sat down with reporter Nigel Spickanspan to mainly swear and sigh.
FistedAway: So Daniel, you must be pleased to be back at Ibrox?
Cousin: What the FUCK? My agent is so fired.
FA: After captaining Gabon in a tournament that they co-hosted, this is a real fairytale isn’t it?
Cousin: Fucking fairytale, that’s right. Christ, why didn’t anyone TELL me? Do you have any idea how much it costs to fly from Libreville to Glasgow?
FA: At 35, are you feeling the pressure to perform?
Cousin: Pressure? I’ve got bills to pay, man. This is…it’s unbelievable. Seven and a half grand a week, man. A WEEK. Down the fucking toilet.
FA: This must be a very emotional return for you. What were your first thought on signing?
Cousin: I’m starting to think that contract I signed wasn’t real.
Cousin: Do you reckon they might be interested?
…What’s the best bus to take? I’m a bit out of pocket you see.