::: FistedAway welcomes a guest post from Elliott,
editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::
Dimitar Berbatov playing in consecutive games shocked several United fans, but also raised red flags in other quarters. Where? Well, the DWP, that’s where. Why? It seems that after a brief investigation, the Bulgarian played a pivotal role in a welfare abuse scheme. How?
The stuttering global economy and European debt crisis have made us all misers. Recent cuts to social services have forced families to make due with a lower dole. Also, governments have subcontracted vital services, entrusting for-profit entities to better serve the public good. Thus, it made sense that the retired cast of Scooby Doo would jump at the chance to staff the Manchester DWP office. However, it made little sense when a tall, athletic, and handsome foreigner came in one day to request a pension.
While the man charmed Daphne in person, Velma reviewed his application. He did properly list his mansion and automobiles, which struck her as odd. But, sure enough, he had checked under oath that he was not gainfully employed. He even had recently sought employment abroad, coming close to landing a job in France. The application and rejection letter were included, along with a letter from his agent. Still, after consulting with Fred, the gang decided to sent Shaggy and Scooby to snoop around the man’s former employer, Manchester United, to make sure he wasn’t doing the odd job for cash under the table.
“For one and a half years, Shaggy and Scooby attended match after match after match. They occasionally saw the man dressed in a work uniform, but normally he would just sit on a bench for two hours and yawn intermittently. They were ready to close the case at month’s end, but then last week a strange thing happened. Shaggy saw the man run around a field mid-week and kick a ball to Michael Owen. The following Saturday, to their shock, he was spotted running around, in uniform, in Liverpool. And on Wednesday, they saw him in full uniform walk around the field, occasionally cursing. They took several pictures to document it all.When confronted with the photographs at his next dole interview, Berbatov merely shook his fist and stated – “I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you pesky kids….and Sir Alex playing me in worthless European fixtures and cup ties!”