After Swindon manager Paolo Di Canio’s recent proclamation that he wanted “a team of 100 Paolo Di Canios“, experts in cloning and eugenics have been brought into the fold at the Wiltshire club to try to make his dream a reality.
Interim Chairman Jeremy Wray is believed to have personally ordered the groundsmen from their shed, and set about creating a temporary science laboratory there instead. Wray is hopeful that if the team of boffins goes without “food, drink, light and sleep” they could reach their goal of 100 fully functioning Di Canios by Christmas, allowing the team to push on in the hunt for promotion from League 2 and cunningly bypass the January transfer window.
FistedAway understands that early results have so far been mixed. A group of specially mutated flying Di Canios unfortunately failed to perform as expected, their tiny wings unable to keep them aloft as they tumbled from the top of the Don Rodgers stand, yet the research continues.
Many more Di Canios have inexplicably expressed their admiration for the writings of Karl Marx, and obviously had to be executed immediately.
The Swindon Advertiser has received reports from worried locals about the pile of broken Di Canios that has appeared round the back of the ground, just behind the rotting carcass of Willie Carson’s booster seat.
But in recent weeks several breakthroughs have been made in the labs, with most Di Canios able to to survive for several days. A group of prototypes also unwittingly completed the Swindon half marathon, passing an important stamina test.
However, some club insiders have questioned the move, stating that having a defence composed of right-leaning Italian front men may not bring about the improvement in defensive form required to sustain a title challenge. Others have have described the investment as wasteful, creating 100 Di Canios when only a 25 man squad can be registered.
Fans have been left puzzled as well, with supporters club spokesman Ray Bradbury questioning the logic behind the scheme. Though he does not take issue with the production of duplicate Di Canio’s, he is concerned that the club has sought to to handle it in-house, rather than contracting a specialist company such as Marionettes Incorporated.
Concerns have also been raised by the kit man, worried about how to distinguish one Di Canio from the other on the field of play, though it should help spread the inevitable bookings.
The Swindon Chairman cheerfully denied that this was the wrong direction to take the club in, though he did concede that this was make or break for the feisty Italian and his brand new army of replicants. Wray added “I often get woken up late at night by a nightmare in which I have to choose which Di Canio to shoot… I haven’t got it right yet.”