Carlos Tevez has today announced his attention to spend his recent club suspension refusing to engage in any way with his children, Florencia, 6, and Katie, 2. Manchester City handed down the suspension to the errant striker after he disobeyed manager Roberto Mancini’s orders for him to come on as a substitute, so Tevez has decided to bring his work home with him.
In a change of roles, the Argentinian ace threw the kids’ toys out of the pram after they had the temerity to play with their mother Vanesa before him. Tevez protested that he had already warmed up to play with them earlier, but the introduction of the more protective mother, leaving one child crying and another starting to sniffle, flew Tevez into a rage.
Having previously professed a desire to move back to Argentina to be closer to his kids, Tevez suddenly realised his mistake:
“You know, being away, it’s the little things that you miss. The quiet. The not playing golf. Those two restaurants.
Both of them: not just the Stockport Rd McDonalds, but its drive-thru too. Even Roberto”.
Tevez later denied missing Roberto Mancini, then denied the denial. “Que?”
It is believed that for the period of the suspension, both Florencia and Katie will have their pocket money suspended. Rumours close to the duo suggest that they are keeping an eye on the January transfer window, where they may secure a transfer to another family.
The eldest daughter Florencia, speaking on behalf of Katia, who has not mastered English despite being 2 years old, expressed their frustration with their father.
“He always does this,” Katia sighed. “I wish he’d grow up”.