FistedAway can today exclusively bring you details of a memo discarded by Swindon Town’s PR department, which was exclusively found after exclusively rummaging through the (exclusive) bins outside the County Ground.
The document, from interim Chairman Jeremy Wray, sets out the useful phrases which may be used by any staff members ‘put on the spot’ by journalists asking difficult questions about new manager Paolo Di Canio’s well-publicised political views:
- “Look, not everyone agrees with Paolo’s methods. But he makes the training run on time”
- “No, when Paolo said “Hurrah for the Blackshirts”, he was simply expressing his liking for our stylish 2010/11 third kit”.
- “We admit that Paolo’s choice of captain’s armband is a little… different to other clubs’ designs, but we have never been afraid to experiment. Such fiendish, inhuman experiments”
- “Paolo wasn’t talking about that SS, heavens no! He was merely making reference to our near neighbours Swindon Supermarine“
- “As far as I am aware there has always been an Eagle on the clubs crest”
- “Incidentally, the star that we have added is to signify our 1970 Anglo-Italian cup win and NOTHING ELSE”
- “When Paolo mentions his “final solution”, he is simply talking about the attacking 4-3-3 formation he intends to use to annex a tough defence”
- “A simple mishearing: he actually said he “hates the dew”, this is why we cover the training pitches in a striped tarp every evening”
- “Goodness no, that wasn’t a fascist salute from Paolo. He was merely miming Swindon’s projected rise through the divisions. Tomorrow belongs to us!”