Following Swindon Town’s relegation to League Two, Paul Hart’s eyes have formally tendered their resignation. With an Easter Monday loss to Sheffield Wednesday sealing Swindon’s relegation, Hart’s eyes resigned from his face in a tearful post-match meeting with Town chairman Andrew Fitton.
It comes as the latest blow to Paul Hart’s increasingly troubled physiognomy, with key players – both ears and his nose – refusing to sign new contract with the face and slowly heading for the exit at the end of the season.
Though Paul Hart’s run of one win in eleven games has led to the eyes’ downfall, many observers have felt that the decline began as early as his time as a player. “As a formerly hirsute man, I don’t believe that Paul’s eyes ever truly accepted the loss of his hair” revealed a mysterious source who also used to managed Nottingham Forest. “Hair was a great protector, but when it goes your eyes are out there on their own.
“You start to look in the mirror and you doubt yourself – have I still got it? Can I run the club into the ground? Do I just look like a big egg now?” said the source, speaking over the phone with what sounded exactly like a Manchester City scarf covering the receiver.
Paul Hart has received strong support from his faithful and doughty jowls, who will assist him in his next appointment. His always malleable mouth has also remained optimistic, speaking of a “great chance to rebuild”; though such words have raised concerns about the whereabouts of his want-away brain.
Meanwhile, Paul Hart’s former eyes have sought to distance themselves from a purported move to Oxford United by willfully blinding themselves.