::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::
Sir Alex has a long-held reputation for suffering no fools and making his voice heard. However, this time his tongue has gotten him into serious trouble, invoking a lifetime “no-touch-line” ban for all gentlemen clubs forming part of the Foxy-entertainment Association (FA). Why, you may ask? The following may shock you.
A few weekends ago, around 2am, Sir Alex and a few chums from Scotland decided to let off some steam at a Boyzone concert. However, they aborted that plan upon Sir Alex brushing shoulders with his mortal enemy, Kenny Dalglish. Instead, they drove south to London and decided to attend a parlour of pleasure: the illustrious “Stamford Bridge is Going Down.”
However, once inside the seedy establishment, Sir Alex could not stop criticizing both the young talent on display & the bald-headed bouncers. After a few pints, he was heard to shout in disgust “Wes Brown’s more nimble than anybody here.” He later slammed a bottle against the stage, protesting a bouncer’s decisive no-call when another gentleman clearly tugged a dancer’s shirt while inside the private box.
The FA appeared willing to let bygones be bygones, but Sir Alex then blatantly violated policy by insisting 5 minutes of extra time be added to his lap dance. He and his chums were escorted out by a bald bouncer, to whom Sir Alex directed an abusive tirade: “You ignorant fool, you make Howard Webb look like a….wait a second. You actually are Howard Webb?! Oh.”