When a transfer window closes, a door opens; Andy Carroll’s landmark £35m move from Newcastle to Liverpool, broke not only the transfer record for a British player, but also racial boundaries. The date of Wednesday 2 February shall ring through the ages, as this was the day when James Lawton of the Independent chose to describe the striker as “raw”, a new era of equality and understanding between races dawned, as the young Carroll became the first white player to be described in these vaunted terms.
“This is the day that we thought we would never see” said a trembling Trevor Phillips, chair of the European Human Rights Commission. An impromptu street party had roared into life outside Anfield, the crowd moving as one with their uncoordinated, wildly flailing limbs. Stepping up to address the crowd, Phillips announced that “a whole generation of technically deficient young white professionals will now have someone to admire”.
Amid the celebrations, Carroll remained humble. “This isn’t just about me,” conceded the young striker. “It’s for all the trailblazers who went before me, paving the way but never getting the true recognition that they deserved. Darren Huckerby. Darren Eadie. Neil Shipperley. Gary Doherty. Let their names ring out” .
“It’s a great example for any children out there that I might have” added Carroll. “I can now tell them that they can achieve anything. Perhaps one day they too can grow up to be tactically naive?”.
Despite seeing history unfolding in front of him, Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish was typically stoic. “When it comes to my signings, I don’t see colour, or technical ability. Andy proves that having no technical ability whatsoever should not be a barrier to playing at the highest level. Despite what you might read, top-level football is not just about technique. That’s an actual thing that I said”.
Meanwhile, outside Anfield Phillips and Carroll lead the crowd in a stirring call and response chant on the steps of Anfield.
“YES WE CAN!…fail to control a ball and fire wildly into the side netting!”
“YES WE CAN!…sprint headlong into an offside position”
“YES WE CAN!…needlessly fire one long when we could have kept it simple!”