Celtic stars Paddy McCourt and Niall McGinn have sought to thank the generous and anonymous fan who has sent them some “super-cool” bullets in the post. Though the sender of the bullets is yet to come forward, the players have declared him “totally awesome”.
Speaking at a press conference, McCourt spoke of his gratitude to the unknown ballistics benefactor and wishes he could meet whoever it was, “as they must be so freaking badass”. The winger speculated that the sender “most likely also has a motorbike, and smokes, without even coughing afterwards”.
“Bullets!” added McGinn.
The pair admit that there has been some dressing-room unrest from “jealous” players who have yet to receive bullets. “I’ve had a few sideways looks, it’s like other players don’t want to come near us” admitted McCourt, “though I can’t think why we have had bullets, and no-one else. It must be because we are wingers, and thus more precious and special than other players. Yeah, that’s it.”.
“Actual bullets!” spluttered McGinn.
Pressed for a reason why they would be sent bullets, rather than something – anything – else, McCourt speculated that “it must be some kind of ‘good shooting’ comment”.
Neil Lennon has spoken to the players about the bullets, having also received them in the post (despite not even being a winger). “Aye, we’ve talked to Uncle Neil, and he’s going to let us keep them” said McCourt, adding that “Mr Strachan would never have done that. It’s almost as if he wanted to stay out of things like this”.
“If only this was America and we had guns to put them in” mused McGinn.