The football world has been thrown into disarray by the release of several private files from Deportivo de La Coruña winger Riki’s laptop computer, available to view on the notorious website Rikileaks. FIFA boss Sepp Blatter has condemned the leaks as “an attack on the international football community, worse even than mine”. UEFA president Michel Platini meanwhile has dismissed the release as imperialist propaganda.
It is believe that an as yet unnamed member of his staff (possibly that pool guy with the shifty eyes) gained access to his computer despite being required to enter a password. It is also not known how the perpetrator managed to crack the complex alphanumeric password ‘Riki1‘ so quickly. The data was then downloaded to a blank disc, disguised as an Enrique Iglesias album, and smuggled out.
The stolen data, which has subsequently appeared in the pages of Marca and in cartoon form in MATCH!, contains a number of shocking revelations. Most damagingly, Deportivo de la Coruña coach Miguel Ángel Lotina has been apparently urging the winger to attack opposition defences for months. Details also emerged of a notepad document entitled ‘People Riki doesn’t like’ and files relating to an until now secret pregnancy.
It is thought that Riki now faces a personal and professional crisis following the publication of the information in the public domain. Several teammates are looking for answers after reading files containing Riki’s candid thoughts on them. Club captain Manuel Pablo is reported to be furious at being described as “risk averse and rarely creative” with Riki adding that the defender looked like “a parboiled testicle”. Pablo has maintained a dignified silence, yet efforts are underway by club staff to smooth over the divides and go back to just talking behind people’s backs like before.
Despite the leaks, Vicente del Bosque insisted that Riki poses no threat to international defence (having never been called up for Spain at the age of 30), adding that the notion of him endangering anything at all was frankly “fanciful”.