A man sat in a pub has amazed onlookers with his astonishing feats of prediction by recalling several sweeping statements he made in the run up to the current Premier League season. The man has reached the unavoidable conclusion that he had been right “all along” about a number of broadly defined things which have, amazingly, since happened.
Opinions have ranged as to whether he said it at another location with different people, or possibly loudly to himself whilst listening to TalkSport, it was still irrefutable proof of his unrivalled footballing knowledge, and a timely reminder of the magnitude of his manhood.
Though unable to pinpoint the precise reason for what happened – tactics, manager, players, club politics, freak weather – the man explained that it was simple really, any true fan could have seen it coming. At the man’s club, on the other hand, they did things differently, which set them far apart and above other clubs.
Indeed, it was just last month that the man made his biannual trip to his local club’s stadium, where he took note of how they won the game. The man then enquired as to the last time that you travelled to see your club at their stadium. Before you could answer, he noted that his team won it in a much better way than many similar teams would win a game of football, unlike your club.
He shouldn’t have to point out that the win was achieved despite the considerable handicap of the sale of his team’s star player, although it turns out he wasn’t that good anyway. Conversely, your team’s star player is in fact nothing of the sort, and any pretensions that you had otherwise are derisory. The man doesn’t even know what your player does on the pitch anyway, and has never seen him perform well against his team, or on football highlights shows.
The man, who is also known to friends for saying what everyone else is thinking, or speaking for the majority of people, then tilted back on his chair slightly and asked whether it was your round.