After France exited the World Cup today in ignominy at the bottom of Group A, they faced the further humiliation of a shaming insult from Minister for Sports Roselyne Bachelot, who insisted that their failure to complete the most basic strike action had “tarnished the image of France” in the eyes of the world.
“People look to the French for many basic things”, mused Bachelot from her café table. “par exemple: style, culture, modesty, but more than anything else, the ability to arrange and sustain devastating strike action at the drop of a beret. At the very least, they expect to see lorries in flames, blocking the main transport links, with unshaven man swaggering through the wreckage”.
Pausing to flick a solid inch of ash from an implausibly sour cigarette, Bachelot spat “this disregard for our most cherished of national stereotypes will not be tolerated”, shrugging so emphatically that both her shoulders briefly dislocated. Following the squad’s refusal to train on Saturday – which at but a single day is classed by Bachelot as “barely a sickie” – many high-profile sponsors have already retreated from the French team, in a move that Bachelot saluted as “truly, honourably, timelessly French”.
Meanwhile, departing coach Raymond Domenech could not be reached for comment, as he had become unexpectedly trapped inside an invisible box.