Sacked ITV pundit Robbie Earle continued to fight the allegations of his World Cup ticket misappropriation, today insisting that the 36 mini-skirted Dutch fans were just his sisters.
“I am shocked and appalled by these claims against me and my beloved sisters”, confessed Earle, “as is our mother Wilhelmina”. The ex-Wimbledon striker revealed that contrary to the popular belief that he was brough up in Weston Coyney, he had in fact secretly been raised in a little flat in tough Amsterdam neighborhood, the Bijlmermeer. “It wasn’t easy for moeder, putting food on the table for the 37 of us kids. Not just the expense, but it was a logistical nightmare finding a table of that size. And don’t get me started on the queue for the bathroom in the morning! We had a ticketing machine”.
For Earle, the most damning suggestion is that he profited by selling the tickets to Bavaria brewery, who then used the girls as part of an ”ambush marketing’ campaign during the Group E tie between Holland v Denmark match. “The thing that hurts the most is having anyone think that I could sell my family out like that. You can’t put a price on family, much in the same way that you can’t put a price on the cool, refreshing feeling of the first sip of Bavaria. Aaah, Bavaria. A taste of the old country. Whether that is Holland, England or Jamaica”.
Once he has cleared his name, Earle will be seeking a public apology from ITV; not just for him, but for each of his sisters: Lieke, Sanne, Lotte, Eva, Isa, Noa, Bavaria, Iris, Anouk, Amber, Maria, Johanna, Anna, Cornelia, Wilhelmina, Bavaria, Hendrika, Adriana, Petronella, Geertruida, Jacoba, Helena, Margaretha, Bavaria, Theodora, Aaltje, Christina, Grietje, Alida, Linda, Marieke, Ilona, Bavaria, Chantal, Maaike and Bavaria.