New Manchester City signing Patrick Vieira has suffered a new injury setback after succumbing to a draft. It is understood that the combative midfielder aggravated the injury at home after a rug covering his knees became dislodged, which in turn caused him to spill his Horlicks.
Despite the injury, newly installed manager Roberto Mancini remains delighted at his capture and his impact on the squad in the time Vieira has had with them since joining. “It is great to have a World Cup winner in the dressing room” said Mancini. “Of course that was 1998; well, it was a different time back then. Hip Hop had just been invented by Run DMC & Jason Nevins of course, and we had street parties to celebrate – with people dressed up as B-boys and impromptu MC battles. Patrick was instrumental in landing France the inaugural World Cup, which, lets not forget, was only brought about after the League of Nations failed. He still possess those qualities which helped him win his midfield battle against the great Caetano Veloso of Brazil”.
Indeed, on his first day at the training ground, he made a great impression by treating each of the players to a bag of boiled sweets. He has since taken several junior members of the squad under his wing, even offering to help Shaun Wright-Phillips complete an Airfix model which had been troubling him for weeks. Though the winger claimed that at 28 years old he was a ‘big boy now’, this was summarily ignored by Vieira, as he patted the little moppet on the head and magically produced a 2 pence piece from behind Wright-Phillips’ ear. The mood was later soured though when Vieira refused to give back Chinedum Onuoha’s nose.
Some pundits have suggested that Vieira is too old to perform consistently at the top level, but the midfielder refuted those claims. “I never had any doubt about it,” he wheezed. “I am not 20 but I am not 40 or 45 either. In fact I can’t really remember how old I am. It feels like there should be a 3 in there somewhere but…. sorry where were we?”. Vieira has set his sights on a speedy recovery, and hopes to play his way into the side and pick up some silverware. “I am yet to visit the new Wembley,” Vieira revealed in a phone conversation where he was speaking far too loudly, “but I am reliably informed that they have installed a Stannah Stairlift”.
It has also been revealed that Vieira is expected to undergo an operation at the end of the season to cure a persistent hip injury in a procedure that the clubs medical staff have called a “hip replacement”.