I’m not negative about many things; the works of the Beatles, rainbows, Manchester United’s terrible executive half time coffee and, seemingly, the fact that I get paid to watch football for a living. However, this grim tableau above really brought into context the truly awful state of team play in modern day kittens.
After an utterly predictable start – yer man pops up in the box, nowhere neeeear play – it went from bad to worse. The absence of any support whatsoever from his teammates left the front kitten stranded in the box. Instead of taking up sensible positions to support him, the whole sorry spectacle was compounded by these lacklustre kittens playfully mauling their teammate. Here – what’s wrong with a handshake, lads? Prima donnas.
They really need to get the kitten out of the box if they want to get back in the game…Oh Greeno, you handsome rogue, talk about stating the obvious. Ha, it’s like my wife always jokes: “Alan” she’ll sob, “the only way to get out of this hole we are in is a divorce“. Hilarious! Don’t get me wrong folks, it’s not that I think loveless marriages are a joking matter, it was merely a flippant remark to describe the mess that is unfolding in front of my odd face.
Meanwhile, not contented with one kitten in the box another kitten tried to get in. I mean, come on. How many kittens do you want in a box? Frankly, the last thing I would want to see in a box is a kitten unless it had the awareness and touch of the Jimmy Greaves, in which case I would still find something woeful about it. If there was a word more scathing than woeful I would use it. I simply could not believe my obese eyes as the second kitten removed its shabby backside from the box and went back to roll around with the other cute kittens – ONCE AGAIN! – leaving one kitten stranded in the box.
And if there is a sixth or seventh thing I don’t like, it’s this sort of simulation that is present in the modern game. All that rolling around…get up you fools; you’re not impressing anyone! This is, without a doubt, the most arrogant, lazy, selfish, and tactically inept team of kittens I have ever seen. I can’t believe I am being paid to watch this – and I’ll warrant, neither can you. Frankly, I would be much happier sitting alone on my comfy couch at home, watching soaps, and wondering why my face is wet.