::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::
The Owen signing threw Red Devils fans for a loop this summer, and the obvious question surfaced: why? Why on God’s green Earth did Sir Alex sign him? Was this the shrewdest of business deals? Is Owen intended to be this season’s Henrik Larsson? Or did Sir Alex merely wish to rub salt in the Scousers’ wounds? To uncover Sir Alex’s motivation, we must look no further than United’s forgotten midfield fulcrum: Owen Hargreaves.
Hargreaves’ psychological descent has reached unforeseen depths of despair. Locked in a 7th century castle in Western Canada until his knee heals, the midfielder has grown aloof and introverted, rarely venturing into Edmonton.
And the local townsfolk have been less than amicable.
Some believe Sir Alex hired Michael Owen for one simple task: to accompany the crocked Hargreaves on the treatment table. And while the midfielder was unavailable for comment, reports of sinister laughter emanating from the castle seem to confirm the obvious. Or, perchance, the sinister.
Despite Owen’s recent record with injuries, it is understood that he did not undergo the usual strenuous physical faced by most new signings. Sources close to the club have claimed that Owen was instead merely strapped to a steel table, injected with a rare blend of formaldehyde, and inspected closely by the wide-eyed Hargreaves, reportedly salivating over the striker’s juicy reconstructed knees. Ferguson then called Owen’s agent, and, after a series of more affirmative grunts than usual, the striker put pen to paper.
::: Elliott is the editor of Futfanatico :::