The excitement was palpable around television centre this morning, as excited BBC fans welcomed back legendary pundit Alan Shearer in advance of this afternoon’s televised game between West Bromwich Albion vs Newcastle United. In advance of his triumphant return to sitting on a sofa, FistedAway spoke to the fans in a not-at-all ghoulish, exploiting-the-mentally-ill fashion.
“We’re over the moon, I can’t believe it. He knows that sofa inside out.” enthused one fan, adding “If you cut Alan, he bleeds the licence fee”.
Amid accusations that the fickle fans have been down this road before, another fan reacted angrily. “Look, this messiah is different to the countless other messiahs we have followed before. Alan isn’t Peter Schmeichel. He isn’t Graham Le Saux. And he isn’t that Judas Stubbs either”.
The BBC have seen a boost from Shearer’s return, as earlier this week, fans were queuing up at the gift shop to buy the BBC Pundit replica shirt. The shirt features layered chest panelling, climacool technology and an implausibly big collar. The full replica kit also includes a tie with an implausibly large knot, and trousers that seem to go tighter as you look at them. A special edition Shearer shirt has been produced to commemorate the comeback, with the double-cuffs inscribed own personal latin mottos: “nihil dicit” on the left and “absit iniuria verbis” on the right.