“I have to emphasise – oooh bay-bayy – this isn’t a publicity stunt or anything like that. Oh yeeeah-hee-yeaa-ah. We are deadly serious about bringing Michael to Hull” sang Brown at yesterday’s press conference.
To the tune of ‘Let’s Get It On’.
Through a bejewelled megaphone.
As his parade float slowly made its way down Oxford St, the occasional football manager screeched “I think he’s a reasonable man and just want the opportunity to speak to him to convince him that Hull is the right place to be–hee-ee“.
“I will be, mmm gurrrllll…patient” crooned the manager, waving at a crowd of shoppers suddenly fascinated by their feet. “And we also know Michael will have a lot to…uh-huhh..consider because there is bah-bah bound to be a lot of interest in his services when his contract expires at Newcastle at the end, ohh-ee yeeeaah, at the end,
RIGHT TIL THE EH-HEE-EH-ENDD
…of this month. “
A source close to Phil Brown – his flapping, cuprinol-soaked lips – revealed that Michael Owen was due to be unveiled next Tuesday. In a glamorous photoshoot for Hello! magazine. Owen is expected to be pictured as a dim overexposed blur at the back, while Brown struts about pouting and dressed as a tiger.