Confused Kaka Graciously Accepts Lifetime Literary Achievement Award

::: FistedAway welcomes a guest post from Elliott,
editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::

As the year comes to an end, awards circulate. Everybody speculates as to who will win the Ballon d’Or. Some say Messi. Others say Xavi. A few say Ronaldo. However, the most shocking award involves none other than Ricardo Kaka.

A few months ago, the Golden Crown Literary Society invited Kaka to their awards ceremony. Why? Well, an unpaid, overworked, and dyslexic intern investigated a list of potential lifetime award candidates. He was delighted to read that Kaka was still alive, and he failed to notice the missing “f” in his name.

When Kaka received the invitation, written in English, he assumed the “f” was a typographical error. Truth be told, he was too happy to be nominated for an award to really try to read or translate the letter.

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Stuart Hall’s World of Zoos… FC Barcelona

Welcome once again to my world of zoos. I am Stuart Hall, and I once stole a girlfriend from your father. You find me sat in a rather delightful street cafe, supping on Schweppes – fizzy! – and rampant in shorts. “Surely it’s not warm enough for shorts at this time of year?” I hear you wondering. A-HA! This episode was pre-recorded. In Spain. And in all honesty, legs as fine as mine deserve to be aired daily. I find it pleases the locals.

I know, I know, I must not digress – my editor is making faces at me that make him appear to be in the middle of a rather troubling bowel movement – you of course do not want to hear about MY mighty pins…oh my no, we’ll save that for later. INSTEAD, you are no doubt eager to get on with our visit, I see in your eyes the intensity of Mark Hughes after miss hitting a volley. “Bleddy hellfiyah, Sam!” But, dear reader, how do you propose to embark on this trip with yours truly, if you have not a clue about where it is I will grace with my presence?! You silly sillys.

WAIT! Whats that you say?…. it’s in the title? WELL! In that case put down your Estrella Damm, return the waitress to her owner and slide into my classic automobile. You must be well-behaved though, this isn’t ANY zoo, this is THE zoo. NO! NOT Zizou. Listen! NEVER ZIZOU.

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