The Lampard-Gerrard Reunion Hits the Skids

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For almost two years, English fans trembled in fear and bowed their heads in shame. For over a decade, the glorious tandem of Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard had bravely led the Three Lions to countless second rounds. Sadly, it appeared that Don Fabio Capello had forever axed the dynamic duo following World Cup 2010. Brits feared that they may never see the terrific tandem together in action again. Luckily, in one simple announcement, Roy Hodgson has revived the dreams of a nation.

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Roberto Mancini’s imaginary card-waving results in imaginary ban for Martin Škrtel

FA officials studying the video of Manchester City’s 3-0 win over Liverpool have retrospectively awarded Martin Škrtel an imaginary three game ban following Roberto Mancini’s persuasive waving of an imaginary card.

The Imaginary Appeal panel is set to meet on Thursday to imagine what punishment they imagine would be appropriate. If the punishment takes the same form of previous imaginary suspensions, it would lead to Škrtel being ruled out of any imaginary football activities including:

• shadowplay,
• miming that he ‘got the ball’ in a tackle
• and Kenny Dalglish’s imaginary tactical discussions.

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Martin Samuel’s Best Frank Lampard of All Time

Hello children and Daily Mail readers, I’m Martin Samuel yeah? YES.

It’s an anagram of ‘Menstrual Aim’ and “Maria Men Lust’, but I’m still ALL MAN.

A couple of weeks ago my bearded gaze was drawn like a moth to the 60w bulb of the Champions League final. This got me thinking – at least that is what my therapist said that grinding sound was – is Lionel Messi the greatest player that ever did grace this stage, how does he match up to the superstars of the game’s history? The past few years anyway, I’m on a fackin deadline.

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Platinum Stars begin inquest after ‘Platinum Generation’ falls to plucky English tourists

With their dreams shattered by a touring England side on Monday, Platinum Stars’ much vaunted ‘Platinum Generation’ are this week beginning the post-mortem. This was supposed to be the Stars’ great chance to shine, but yet again they have fallen short on the largest stage.

After going behind to a shock early goal to what appeared to be a competition-winning team mascot, the Stars fell apart entirely, conceding a second to the unemployed Joseph Cole, and a humiliating late third strike to a man who had seemingly wandered in from the car-park where he had being previously enjoying a nutritious fight.

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Futfanatico: The Sir Alex Fumes

::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::

News reports indicate that Sir Alex is absolutely livid after Russian customs destroyed specially crafted regenerative meals for his Manchester United side. However, a series of player tweets reveals this is not the first time the Scot has crossed swords over a culinary conflict.

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The Rooney Tenenbaums

Is it possible to watch this…

Without immediately thinking of this?

For more shameless copyright scofflaws, head over to Copy©unts.

(Although I eagerly anticipate someone pointing  that Anderson actually lifted this scene from an obscure French film).

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