Phil Brown’s Gardening Leave Diary

FistedAway EXCLUSIVE: With Hull chairman Adam Pearson having placed Phil Brown on gardening leave with nine games left of the season. FistedAway can now bring you exclusive extracts from his garden diary, sourced from his kitchen table via an unlocked back door.

Monday

Made a great start today, just call me Phil Brownfingers! Brought in a few new plants early doors in anticipation of the coming season, and what can I say – they have worked a treat. A lot of people who walked past thought that I would struggle early on, that my purchase of that flashy Brazilian plant was doomed to failure. “It’s just not suited to the British climate” they all said. Well Phil Brown has shown them, shown the ruddy lot of them. I’m not one to blow my own trumpet but I think I have the qualities needed for the top gardening job in the country. Presenting Gardener’s World on BBC television. Oh, and I am really quite good at the trumpet.

Read Full Post »

“Pints of regret”: Phil Brown in memoriam

Phil 'Phil Brown' Brown :: 2006-2010

We at Fisted Away need some compassionate leave in order to come to terms with today’s sad news about Phil Brown leaving Hull City. Before we can give a considered and heartfelt response, we would like to first reminisce. Try and remember Phil Brown as he was, not how he left us; look back fondly at the times he made us laugh, and the times he made us also laugh.

Hull City fear the worst as Phil Brown progresses to speaking in fourth, fifth person

“My attempt to sign Michael Owen is not a publicity stunt” sings Phil Brown

Read Full Post »

January Weather Transfer Gossip

Following a successful recent loan spell, Gianfranco Zola is looking to make Snow a permanent signing. “Snow’s contribution to the Wolves game was the best striking performance of our season” said the increasingly haunted spectre of a once hirsute Shire horse.

Full story: Daily Mail

Harry Redknapp has signed some gritted dripping Slush, and despite its lack of consistency and rapidly depreciating ability, awarded it a contract of  £80,000 a week.

Full story: The Guardian

Read Full Post »

“My attempt to sign Michael Owen is not a publicity stunt” sings Phil Brown

“I have to emphasise – oooh bay-bayy – this isn’t a publicity stunt or anything like that. Oh yeeeah-hee-yeaa-ah. We are deadly serious about bringing Michael to Hull” sang Brown at yesterday’s press conference.

To the tune of ‘Let’s Get It On’.

Through a bejewelled megaphone.

Read Full Post »

Hull City fear the worst as Phil Brown progresses to speaking in fourth, fifth person

Phil Brown unveils 'Lil Phil'

Hull players and fans alike have privately expressed their concern as noted illeist Phil ‘Phil Brown‘ Brown continued his alarming descent into megalomania.  The popular demotivational speaker and occasional manager  is now habitually referring to himself in the fourth and fifth-person, reports Nigel Spickanspan

Following last Saturday’s loss to Liverpool, Brown conducted the post match press conference alongside ‘Lil’ Phil’: a hand-puppet replica of himself, made entirely from black felt and orange rind. When asked whether the club would be taking disciplinary action against Caleb Folan after his rash red card, the devon fudge-coloured manager looked towards Lil’ Phil, rotating his hand so that he could look the puppet directly in his googly eyes. Brown then wiggled his thumb and pinkie fingers to induce wild gesticulations from Lil’ Phil’s flailing fabric arms.

Read Full Post »