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Posts Tagged ‘Jose Mourinho’

::: FistedAway welcomes a guest post from Elliott,
editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::

Any time a major signing doesn’t score a bucket of goals, excuses twirl about like the trade winds of the Pacific. “The league is different,” some say. “The player has a niggling injury,” others cry. “The coach needs to use him better,” fanatics shout. But in the case of Ricardo Kaka’s disappointing form for Real Madrid, the player has bravely pointed the finger at the one person responsible: Jesus Christ.

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Jose Mourinho

::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::
Never before have the parallel universes of entertainment, movies and sport, come so closely intertwined. After a dismal 0-0 draw with Mallorca last week, Florentino Perez was not amused by Mourinho’s sombre post game press conference. Except for one part…

Crack reporter Elliott “LiesWhenNotHarassingArry” heard from an unconfirmed and potentially imaginary source that Perez has axed the Portuguese coach after a single game, a record even by Real Madrid standards. Perez told the press the usual spiel – Mourinho, simply put, had failed to deliver. Even though it was technically impossible for him to win La Liga after only one fixture, what with 38 games remaining, Perez is not a man known for his patience. Questions about remaining matches fell on deaf ears – the burly and bullish owner only heard “excuses.” And he had another plan in mind.

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::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::

A year ago, Fistedaway dug up enough dirt to bury the Gaza pyramids. We speak, of course, about Cristiano Ronaldo’s soiled Iberian member. The rumor was unfounded yet simple and easily believed – he longed for a lovechild with Xabi Alonso’s wife. Manuel Pellegrini, feeling the heat and desperate for a unifying team moment akin to Chelsea’s Terrygate, attempted to fuel the flames of this love triangle. Yet our lying sources never confirmed the consummate act. Until now.

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FistedAway EXCLUSIVE:

Roberto Mancini’s scarf has broken its silence after joining the manager in England to take charge of Manchester City. The fashionable item of neckwear opens up about its tough Roman upbringing and quickly becoming a fashion icon in a Premier League sadly lacking in chic after Jose Mourinho’s jacket followed the ‘Special One’ to Inter Milan:

When you look at me, what do you see? An item of clothing that is both practical and stylish, cosy, but –  dare I say – cool? Sure, image is important – but I am so much more than something to look at, idolise, and then buy a £8 replica of in the Manchester City Club Shop.

I have always wanted to come to England and have the opportunity to be worn in some of the greatest stadiums the world over, places my heroes have graced. You know the calibre of accessories I’m talking about; David Pleat’s slip on shoes, Ryan Gigg’s detachable chest hair or Iain Dowie’s fright mask. It says a lot about Roberto that he was willing to come here for me, and not, despite what any of you gossip queens out there might think, because my colours match those of Manchester City…

Oh, I cannot live this lie any more! The truth is that deep down, I have always been a Lazio scarf.

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