FA officials studying the video of Manchester City’s 3-0 win over Liverpool have retrospectively awarded Martin Škrtel an imaginary three game ban following Roberto Mancini’s persuasive waving of an imaginary card.
The Imaginary Appeal panel is set to meet on Thursday to imagine what punishment they imagine would be appropriate. If the punishment takes the same form of previous imaginary suspensions, it would lead to Škrtel being ruled out of any imaginary football activities including:
- shadowplay,
- miming that he ‘got the ball’ in a tackle
- and Kenny Dalglish’s imaginary tactical discussions.
Meanwhile, a reportedly furious Liverpool are said to be launching an immediate appeal. An imaginary Liverpool insider has revealed that the club’s response is “set to touch on greater imaginary slights than even the Luis Suárez case”.
In response, the FA have stressed that the evidence will be imagined by English football’s masters of imagineering – the Pools Panel – in a bid to allay Kenny Dalglish’s imagined fears of an imaginary anti-Liverpool bias.
An ex-player who was available for comment, probably Mark Lawrenson or Alan Hansen one would imagine, cited it as what he imagines to be another example of how he imagines the game has changed since his day. “Imagine if we went around imagining things in my day, dear oh dear. We’d have been subbed off for an imaginary early bath I would imagine.”
In other news…
- Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney is set to receive another two game ban for swearing at a school-age Howard Webb in the 2010 World Cup Final referee’s feverish recurring dreams.
