FistedAway are pleased to welcome back the influential thinker and the founder of analytical psychology, Ashley Jung. Ashley previously psychoanalysed the goal celebration of Chelsea striker Nicolas Anelka in an attempt to help us understand the deep rooted psychological reasoning behind it. Refreshed by a move to Manchester United, Ashley has decided to focus on new LA Galaxy signing Robbie Keane:
Upon completing a score Mr Keane will canter towards the nearest corner flag, executing a half cartwheel, half forward roll before playfully spraying fans with a hailstorm of imaginary bullets. Is Mr Keane suggesting, as I did, that:
“Nobody, as long as he moves about among
the chaotic currents of life, is without trouble”
No. I doubt it somehow. To be honest if a footballer began to rival me in the realms of psychology I’d most probably take that as a clear indication that I should try something else. That said, I believe Robert is trying to tell us something: that it is more than just a crap gymnastic manoeuvre and piow piow piow.
Let’s examine the celebration in its constituent parts.
Firstly, the cartwheel cum forward roll. I call it “the cartroll” and have launched applications to trademark it. The cartroll could be seen as a physical interpretation of the proverb “a rolling stone gathers no moss”, that by constantly moving – in celebration, from club to club, thought to the same thought – he remains free of pressure, responsibility and he stays fresh and creative.
“There can be no transforming of darkness into light
and of apathy into movement without emotion”
Maybe he is also prone to literally having moss grow on him if he remains still for any length of time? Perhaps an ancestral memory of the curse of Tallaght’s fairy folk. Or it might just be something fungal. Best get that looked at.
Yet it is true also that this is a mildly impressive display of athleticism, movement and flexibility which often goes far beyond the athleticism, movement and flexibility he displays at any other time during the game.
Secondly, the crowning glory of the routine, Robert aims two imaginary pistols and fires away. A tribute to the Easter Rising perhaps? No, obviously not. I’d posit that Robert thinks the Easter Rising is the conflicted reaction one gets watching the Cadbury’s Caramel Bunny.
“The growth of the mind is the widening of the range of consciousness”
I think it more likely that Robert is aiming his mind bullets at those that are critical of him. A boy can dream of many different things you know, it is quite possible. Or perhaps he just really likes guns? The obvious danger is that in America of course someone is likely to shoot back.
"PIOW PIOW PIOW"
Conclusion
The celebration is, at its heart, a riposte to his critics: firing back- and then some! – after evading their cruel barbs. You know, the cruel things some people might say like:
“‘ere, joined yer childhood club AGAIN ‘ave yer!? A club in LA, who formed when you were 15? You’re a headless chicken who fills his trousers at every big club you’ve joined – Internazionale, Liverpool! Crawled back to Spurs with your tail between your legs, then you couldn’t even do it at West Ham!
You washed-up TWAT”.
That kind of thing.
[...] just sitting on the bench for a bit; it would be less pressure than knowing that if I don’t score the winner, my 10-year-old self will cry himself to sleep at [...]