::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::
A star is born. With criticism flying from all corners of the globe, the Jabulani finally made a public appearance, leaving a lasting impression on all present with her panache, wit, and iron-clad confidence. In summation, think Maradona but a bit less plastic, and a bit more polyurethane.
The questions started off heatedly, with one reporter asking Jabulani about her errant and flighty past. Batting her eyelashes and pausing for effect, she replied in her heart-melting and inspecifically foreign accent – “Well, ze French believe that I am too perfect. And I believe zat I agree.” After a round of laughter and an immediately more relaxed atmosphere, one still serious journalist tried again to knock her off her pedestal. “What of the claims from an Englishman and an Algerian, in less than a week, of being deceived by your initial look?” Jabulani’s face turned stern, but only fleetingly before her trademark smile served prelude to a delicious riff. “Vith my curves, I can only be handled by a man, not a boy.”
"Ho ho! I've got you now...wait"
The serious soccer talk was stalled by her perfect responses, so the English media then turned, as always, to gossip. And Jabulani’s coy responses played with their minds and the hearts of a continent of single men.
One scribe prompted – “What of the rumors of a rather direct fling with a Japanese chap two weeks ago? Jabulani, her arms crossed but her eyes aglow, deflected the question with the charm of a popstar and the skill of a politician. “Long distance can be exciting at times, but gets boring too quickly.” When asked if she had already moved on, she giggled and asked “from vat?”
Finally, the questions centered on footage of Ms Jabulani sharing the stage with none other than David Beckham . Jabulani refused to comment on the alleged late night dalliances shared by the two, although she did get a slightly bent out of shape. And who could blame her? Bouncing past goalkeepers is one thing, but even her charismatic personality could not survive if she was revealed to be a homewrecker. Albeit a charming one.
"People say that you have contributed nothing to this World Cup, and if anything been a hindrance, but don't listen to them David"
[...] The Jabulani has been attacked from all corners of the globe, but finally gets the courage to defend herself. Please check out the coverage at Fistedaway of this once in a lifetime press conference. [...]