::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::
Just when you thought that two professionals working for the same organisation could put a personal dispute behind them, just when you start to believe the company comes first, drama behind closed doors manifests itself in the office. Many of you saw the Xabi Alonso-Cristiano Ronaldo penalty dispute. But only a few connected the dots.
A few months ago, we reported erroneously that Cristiano Ronaldo steadfastly insisted on holding all of Madrid’s records. This included impregnation of wives….including Xabi Alonso’s wife. Since the article’s publication, our lying sources indicate the situation has rapidly spiraled out of control. And all because of the cunning Cristiano Ronaldo.
Guti, who is not one to kiss and tell, revealed how the prolific Portuguese played the part of Don Juan while duping Xabi. First, Cristiano offered to help Xabi and his wife move into their new home last summer. This was odd, as the Alonsos had actually moved to Madrid before Cristiano, but Ronaldo nevertheless appeared one Saturday morning and paraded around the household shirtless. Allegedly, he lifted various heavy objects, such as an ottoman. Xabi was confused, but Ms. Alonso? Enamored beyond her wildest dreams. Who was this dashing moving man with the Portunol accent?
Cristiano then played the part of Iago, whispering deceitful tidbits into Xabi’s ear during training. “My lord, tis another that does thy business between thy sheets.” Xabi, who did not entirely understand Cristiano’s catty English, decided to impose a strict four foot personal space rule in which no Portuguese men can enter and whisper things in his ear while touching his lower back and shoulder. Cristiano was undeterred, though, and took things to the next level.
Allegedly and falsely, the Saturday night before the Villarreal game, Xabi walked in on the nude Cristiano Ronaldo and Mrs. Alonso in his very own marital bed! Cristiano, though, quicker with his mind than his feet, immediately invented a proper excuse – “It was just a besito.” In Spain, it is common for friends to salute and say goodbye with a light kiss on the cheek. Xabi, not one to question disease spreading cultural practices or doubt his co-worker, accepted the Portuguese’s word at face value. Cristiano even apologized for the confusion and promised to let Xabi take the next penalty kick….
And, of course, Cristiano changed his mind during the game.
"SIKE"
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