Futfanatico: In Desperation, Pompey Turns to the Last Available Sheik

::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::

Reports out of Portsmouth paint a dire picture. Facing the very real prospect of administration, three changes of ownership, and the failure to pay wages, Pompey is indeed barely breathing. In these trying times, the board found an unlikely white knight: Grammy and Tony award-winning singer/songwriter Duncan Sheik.

The board first approached Mr. Sheik after a Google search for the keywords “Sheik”, “available”, and “immediately.” While the current CEO admits ignoring the subsequent “Did you mean: “Drunken Sheikh”?“, this slice of serendipity has made for a seemingly perfect partnership. After the much maligned album Humming, Mr. Sheikh was more than happy to immediately perform for the Portsmouth board.

While the initial email exchanges generated a bit of confusion by both parties, due in no small part to the language barriers between American and British English, Duncan was quoted as saying he was excited about “owning the Pompey stadium” and was sure his “performance would bring all the Portsmouth fans to their feet”. Asking the fans at his opening press conference if they were “ready to rock?” was deemed in poor taste, given the still uncertain status of the club. Meanwhile, the Board calmed fans’ concerns about Yank ownership by pointing out Duncan Sheik’s trademark haunted vocal style in contrast to angry emails.

Portsmouth groundsmen prepare Mr Sheik's rider

Whether this marriage will last, nobody can say. Sheik reported grievances that nobody from the Board provided transportation from the airport, but he was able to hitchhike courtesy of a stalwart fan. Though he privately described the constant bell-ringing as “unnecessary“. How much longer such goodwill can last, especially after a possible encore performance of “Half-life”, is up in the air. Duncan may start on a high, but the precarious Portsmouth situation may lead even this most optimistic of despondent of drug addicted singer-song writers into despair.

::: Elliott is the editor of Futfanatico :::