The world of Drugs was rocked yesterday by reports that traces of Adrian Mutu had been found in a random test. Though Drugs has denied the charge, this is believed to be the second time that it has tested positive for the Fiorentina striker.
It is the latest crisis to hit Drugs, in a long and troubled career. After getting over several difficult periods in the pharmaceutical’s hedonistic youth, it was believed that the unruly stimulant had calmed down in recent years. But in the wake of the ruling, reports have since emerged that Drugs had fallen in with a bad crowd: football supporters, football reporters, football agents and worst of all, footballers themselves.
"So tired....AWAKE!..sleepy...AWAKE! Now sleepies"
Adrian Mutu has been on the banned substances list since 2004, and contains numerous performance-enhancing qualities: increasing style, decisiveness and subtlety, a penchant for freaky-deaky vampire sex and it even allows the user to tolerate even the most gruelling and inane interviews.
This crackdown is the Court of Arbitration for Sport’s latest salvo in their ongoing attempts to stamp Mutu out of the game. “This Court’s panel concluded that the banned substance of Mutu cannot be tolerated,” a Cas statement read.”As the highest ruling body for the international sports ommunity, we need to act firmly and resolutely in all our rulings – the War on Mutu is winnable”.
Meanwhile, paragons of virtue and moral arbiters Chelsea Football Club have given their full support to Drugs at this difficult time in its personal life.
But not Mutu.
Nick – I’m kinda worried about your legal liability for that first pic. I read something about a “superinjunction” earlier in the week, and assumed it involved PHP and these outrageous “mutu allegations.”
I am fearless, Elliott. Fearless! I will take on all of those pills, one by one. My legal team is headed up by a glass of water.
Oh…unless they are the other kind of pills. That would be a right pain.
[...] At FistedAway, recent reports out of Italy indicate that, sadly, drugs have tested positive for Adrian Mutu. And it’s not the first time (Fisted Away). [...]
Great
. how did you write this? It would have been brilliant if you sat down and wrote this serious article about Adrian Mutu and then as a hilarious after thought decided to switch the Adrian Mutu with Drugs and vice versa in the whole piece haha. Still funny even if you did it the boring way and planned it 
Adam, sadly it was crushingly deliberate- though I am glad it works both ways. Be sure to tune in next week, when Gambling reveals its harrowing addiction to Matthew Etherington.