Futfanatico: The Sir Alex Fumes

::: FistedAway today welcomes a guest post from Elliott, editor of the rather lovely Futfanatico :::

News reports indicate that Sir Alex is absolutely livid after Russian customs destroyed specially crafted regenerative meals for his Manchester United side. However, a series of player tweets reveals this is not the first time the Scot has crossed swords over a culinary conflict.

RoyKeaneSanest tweeted at RealRioFerd that “Makes me think of Veron at tea time! ! !”. A look at Juan Sebastian Veron’s blog revealed that his move to Chelsea was not a simple move to cut costs – but rather a punishment for his 5pm antics. While most brits enjoy milk in their tea, Veron, of Argentine descent, insisted on bringing his own Thermos and bitter yerba mate tea to drink. Suspicious or curious, Sir Alex took one sip and promptly spat the brew all over Veron’s face. And then sold Veron to the Blues at a cut-rate price, happy to shift the “dirty, filthy criminal” to London.

"That was pure lavado, ya bam"

Giggs4Life tweeted: “lol – makes me think of Forlan’s last supper”. While initially perplexed, a few direct message exchanges revealed to futfanatico that Diego Forlan’s falling out with Sir Alex revolved around dinnertime etiquette, not the length of his studs. At one of the team meals, Diego had purportedly used a steak knife to cut off an extra thin slice of angel food cake. Sir Alex, ever vigilant, waited for Forlan to take a bite before smashing the entire piece into the Uruguayan´s face. “Welcome to civilisation, ya bassa,” raged Sir Alex, “Yous’ll no be needin’ that Sgian Dhubh fae your tortilla española“. Forlan was promptly sold to Villareal. The steak knife remains at the Old Trafford dining hall.

"Iss aboot ettykett"

Meanwhile, BigWayne tweeted a sigh of relief – “Glad not there, already got his tail up n whatnot.”, then minutes later adding the additional tweet: “La”. Confidential sources revealed that, despite his fine goalscoring form, Wayne’s career at United is on a knife-edge, and all due to a single fork. One week ago, while munching on a nutritionally approved caesar salad, Rooney mistook his salad fork for his dessert fork. While Ferguson can forgive a fluffed shot, his reaction just may have gone over the top; the manager allegedly grabbed the dessert fork and… stabbed Rooney in the thigh!  While the physical damage was minimal, the psychological toll led Rooney miss the trip to Moscow and seek psychological help. Allegedly he still has nightmares, with a voice echoing “How about some more Scouse salad!? EY!?” as Ferguson (and Terry Phelan, a little in the distance)  force chips down Wayne’s throat.

::: Elliott is the editor of Futfanatico :::