Only 6 games into the new premier League season, Ryan Babel has plunged into depression at his lowly place in the Google pecking order. Despite a fortuitous late brace against Hull on Saturday, Babel was distraught when a self-Googling Sunday session revealed that he was lagging behind entries for Yahoo Babel Fish translator, the film Babel (both the imdb and wikipedia entry) and even the ancient and mythical Tower of Babel.
Ploughing through the pages, Babel’s fears were realised when he saw that his official website did not appear until the 7th page of Google. When the striker attempted to refine the search by using his full name, he was thrown into a spiral of rage when asked “Did you mean: “Aryan Bagel”?“. A deliciously unlikely concept, but it still proved more popular than the occasional Liverpool striker.
Rafael Benitez has offered some advice to the young Dutchman. “Ryan needs to work hard to improve his link up play with other quaaality websites”, adding that he could learn important lessons from the senior players at the club.
“For instance, Stevie really boosted his search engine visibility with that zany viral video campaign of that slapstick bar fight. It has certainly proved a lot more popular than Ryan’s rap career. Traditionally, comedy rap has not been a good career route for Liverpool wingers, unless Ryan is planning to balloon in weight and manage Tranmere.”